"I hope someone has told you that you have a massively enlarged thyroid".
No. They hadn't. And I hadn't noticed difficulty breathing, weight gain or loss, lethargicness or any of the other host of syptoms she rattled off to me. Yes, I had been feeling crappy recently - but I had blamed that on grief. Dad just died the month before and there are whole books devoted to the symptoms of grief. I hadn't needed to find another reason for my symptoms. Hell, my brother got into 3 car accidents in two weeks because of it.
But most importantly I hadn't noticed the large growth on my neck. I do now. As does my husband. I have small breasts and one of the benefits of that is that when men look at me they unvariably look me in the eyes. Now I catch my husbands eyes flickering down quite often. But not to my breasts, no, to my friend the thyroid slug.
I've started to think of him that way (the thyroid growth, not my husband) - my slug. On the ultrasound they pointed out his contour to me - 1.8 cm x 3.6 cm x 1.9 cm. In cross section he looked like a jelly donut cut in half - thick walls with a thin jelly center. Just the size and shape of the slugs I tormented in my Seattle childhood. Not the terrifyingly large banana slugs mind you, but not the ludicrously small California slugs either. And similarly affected by salt!
At first I was amused by this finding. I have a goiter, I thought. I would be all the rage in the 14th century. A slave to style, though slightly behind the times.
But then there was that call from my Doctor. Very very friendly. That is what terrified me I think. I have been with HMOs all my life. I am not used to Doctors being friendly. I am not used to Doctors calling me.
"Hi, honey" she said "We got the results from the ultrasound and I'm going to want to order a biopsy. OK honey?" She called me honey. I must be dying.
So then there was the biopsy. We had it all planned. Costa, my husband, is a teacher and therefore home for the summer. He was going to take me to the biopsy and hold my hand through the process. Very good.
Then, unfortunately my daughter got the plague.
OK, not quite the plague, but with the 105.2 degree fever and the strange spots all over her elbows and knees and ankles it was close enough. So, she definitely had a greater need for my husband's nurturing skills and so instead my mom went with me. The down side of this is that my mom doesn't know that me saying 'I'm OK' doesn't mean she should go back to the crossword puzzle it is my code for 'I'm terrified please give me a hug'. In fact her going back to the crossword puzzle was probably code for 'I'm terrified please give me a hug'.
We are cut from the same cloth. It just isn't a very useful cloth in such situations. Costa, on the other hand, has been trained by ten years of marriage to be a 3rd level mindreader and would have known that in an instant.
The doctor who performed the biopsy probably didn't get his job for his bedside manner. In fact the doctor who performed the biopsy probably chose the job of performing biopsies because of it's minimal patient contact.
He was decievingly good looking. One expects goodlooking men to be charming. This is not always the case. He flitted in and out of the room in a panic. At one point the nurse (who had a lovely bed side manner) whispered to the Nurse in Charge of the Slides that the doctor was trying not to get attached. I think this was a dig at his bedside manner and not a statement that I was on the edge of death - but I'm a little oversensitive right now.
So. Biopsy. That means they think I have cancer. Thyroid cancer. And that means... Google.
I have now visited every Thyroid cancer website online and looked at every Thyroid Nodule ultrasound online I could find trying to find a match to mine and a prognosis. Here is what I know:
Thyroid Cancer is called the 'good' cancer because it is very easy to treat.
The median life expectancy for someone with thyroid cancer is 73 (!)
The 5 year survival rate is 98% and the 10 year survival rate is 97%.
It rarely spreads.
It is treated first by surgery to remove the tumor and typically with a growth as large as mine by total removal of the thyroid.
It rarely needs either Chemo or radiation
A couple of months after the surgery they treat it by RAI.
OK. So now a little bit about this RAI. One weird thing about cancer that I never knew before is that when cancer spreads it spreads as the same kind of cancer. So... even if thyroid cancer were to spread to my lymph nodes (which are right next store) it wouldn't become lymphoma it would be thyroid cancer in the lymph nodes. It travels. It doesn't go native.
Here is why this is good news for me. The thyroid is the only organ in the body that can 'upload' iodine. Which means your doctor can grab some radioactive iodine (that they happen to have lying around) shoot it into your body and it will only attack the thyroid tissue and will leave the rest of your body alone. And if you have thyroid tissue hanging out in your lungs - it shouldn't be there, that is unallowed tourism. Bam! The radioactive iodine knocks it out.
The downside is that you are radioactive and have to stay away from all human contact for a week. More on that later.
So....
Tomorrow I get my response from the biopsy. I still might not have cancer. Even with a slug as big as this one it might be benign. My step mother had a huge benign cyst in her belly that was winding around stuff, weighed a couple of pounds. But totally benign. That is my ideal. That is the response I want from tomorrow. From what I understand it is pretty much 50/50 at this point. Crazy odds.
So, tonight I wait. And try not to think about the slug winding it's way around my neck. Because tomorrow is the day.
